Gloomy Week

December 1, 2017

As the title above, this week is very sad for me. Actually I don’t want to remember this again so let’s begin this story and end it fast.

Alif was already elected to be the next Himatif president. On the day I uploaded Imazine, he organized a generation forum to talk about pioneer team. It was a team that consisted some chosen people which could represent all of Cyber generation members. The team would collect some names for the next head of departments in Alif’s cabinet. There would be 8 people including Alif, also Malik and Intan as the generation leaders and Fauzi as the next vice president of Himatif. Alif said if we wanted to become one of the team we could raise our hand. I was going to raise my hand but some people were pointing their friends and nobody raised hand. Those who were pointed mostly by the people were chosen. So I undid my intention to raise my hand. On the same time I got bad news from Senior Algif about the uploaded Imazine. I had to fix it as fast as possible. That was another reason why I didn’t interest anymore in the forum talks. After the team was made, the forum ended. At that time I didn’t know this would be my biggest regret ever.

Several days later, I got rumor that I won’t be chosen as the next head of media and information department. The team chose Rey instead of me. I was so angry and cried at the same time. My biggest dream to develop my lovely department was lost. I didn’t understand why they chose a new person for handling the department while there was already me who was ready to make changes in my own department. I was already experienced being a staff of media and information department in Impressive Cabinet and media department in Transformation Cabinet. It was already my specialty. But people were against me. Oh God please tell me if this was a dream.

I didn’t know what would I do if I didn’t get supports from Senior Ojan. I had to live for a week in his temporary home. I couldn’t sleep well even though I was tired crying. I couldn’t work well if I was still thinking about this bad news. I didn’t want to be alone at that time.

Days after that I got suggestions from him to talk about the head of media and information department face to face with Alif and Rey. (I still didn’t know that media and information department had been changed into bureau at that time.) Fortunately at that time Rey was also one of the pioneer team members so he should already know this plan too. On the last minutes before the team fixed the plan in generation forum, I talked with Alif, Rey, and Fauzi. Fauzi joined too because he was invited by Alif. I was a little relieved they wanted to hear my opinions. They was already thinking I could be the head of media and information department. But it wasn’t as smooth as I thought in the generation forum.

The agenda of the generation forum was fixing the head of departments for the next cabinet. All departments were mentioned one by one. And every head of the mentioned departments candidates should went away from the forum. I’d just known that media and information department had become bureau in this forum. And it got the last turn. The forum went good until media and information bureau’s turn. The candidates were Rey, Abie, and me. We had to went away as the others’ candidates before. I became worried when the forum took a long time for discussing the best person to become the head of media and information bureau. All departments before didn’t take more than 15 minutes to be discussed but this department took more than an hour! After that Rey, Abie, and me were called back. The forum couldn’t choose between Rey and me. When I was told by Niya about the forum I was very shocked. I never thought that Malik and Afifah were against me too much. That could be a long story if I told the story of the forum and I didn’t want to remember too. Shortly, In the end Alif and Fauzi had to stop the forum because if not there would be a war(?)

That day was also the day of Misiologi new cabinet appointment. But because of this unexpected event, I couldn’t go there. I even lied to Senior Yoan, who became the new head of literature division, that I had a family problem. Yeah maybe it wasn’t really a lie, this was my Himatif family problem. But still I was so sorry because this problem really fucked me up. I didn’t want to make more people worrying me so by telling that lie I hoped they would understand.

Actually after the forum was finished, Rey and me were asked to stay with Alif, Fauzi, and the new chosen head of departments to discuss again about the next head of media and information bureau. That’s why even though I was already wearing the dresscode for the appointment, I couldn’t come because I had to join this leaders forum. I hated to say this, but this forum wasn’t really different like the generation forum. After Rey and me telling why one of us should be the head of media and information bureau, we had to go away from the forum same as the previous forum. Another hour passed and the forum was closed without anyone chosen again. I was waiting for nothing there while I should be in the appointment instead. After that, I still couldn’t come back to my temporary home and stay with Senior Ojan.

The next morning, or we could say today morning, Alif chatted Rey and me and announced that the chosen one was Rey. After that I cried and cried and my minds went blank. Senior Ojan was there comforting me that I was already being strong and brave until now. He also told me some stories that he heard from his friends. But because I was still shocked I couldn’t accept easily his words. Ah I didn’t want to continue telling these memories again BYE.